The Soccer Geek

Here I’ve compiled a set of soccer stand up comedy videos from some top US and UK comedians. I hope you enjoy these clips, and let me know your favourite in the comments section at the end!

Robin Williams Goes Crazy About Soccer and the French

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John Bishop on his Ambitions to be a Mascot or Player

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Jason Manford on Football Manager and Manchester City

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Michael McIntyre on England’s World Cup Performance

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Russell Peters and the Chinese Soccer Team

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Alistair McGowan on Beckham, Mourinho and Sven

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Michael McIntyre Comparing Rugby Players and Footballers

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Thanks for watching these soccer stand up comedy videos from various celebrated comedians in the UK and the USA. Which stand-up routine did you like the best out of these?

Have fun,

Soccer Geek

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Who are the most popular soccer players in the world? The Forbes Celebrity 100 measures the popularity, influence and power of some of the most famous people in the world. The most up-to-date rankings at the time of writing run from May 2010 – May 2011, and a grand total of 3 footballers were featured in the list – plus one football club chairman.

This post picks out the details of those four influential figures from the Forbes Celebrity 100.

1. David Beckham

Coming in at number 35 on the overall Celebrity 100, Beckham finishes behind other legendary sports stars like Roger Federer and Tiger Woods. His earnings last year were $40 million, whilst he ranked 39th, 69th, 11th, 16th and 26th in the money, TV/radio, press, social and web categories respectively. His major sponsorship deals are currently with Adidas and Samsung, becoming a global brand ambassador for the latter in May. As a footballer he barely needs any introduction, having been an England captain as well as a star player for Manchester United, Real Madrid, AC Milan and LA Galaxy. Here’s a video containing a few of his finest football moments:

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2. Cristiano Ronaldo

His earnings for the last year were $38 million and he ranked 43 in the Celebrity 100. Despite being very unpopular with many people, he also has a huge fan base, totalling 25 million likes on Facebook and 3 million followers on Twitter. In fact, his number of Facebook fans is more than double that of any other athlete! His break-down rankings by Forbes were 44 in the money category, 84 in TV/radio, 4 in press, 5 in social and 24 in web. Here’s some clips of his best work:

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3. Lionel Messi

Messi earned $32 million from May 2010 – May 2011, half of which comes from ‘on the pitch’, putting him at number 56 on the money rankings. He finished number 62 on the Celebrity 100 and his break-down rankings were 88 in TV/radio, 9 in press, 22 in social and 48 in web. Named the greatest player in the World by FIFA in 2009 and 2010, Messi has reaped his reward off the field with sponsorship deals from the likes of Adidas, Pepsi, Konami and Dolce & Gabbana. Here are some great goals and skills by Messi:

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+ Elton John

Elton John earned a total of $100 million last year, ranking number 7 in the money list and number 5 in the overall rankings. He ranked 18 in TV/radio, 19 in press, 28 in web and 54 in social. Now of course Elton John is known for his music, having sold 250 million records in a phenomenal career spanning 30 years. But he has also been the chairman, president, director and owner of Watford Football Club at various points in the past- hence his appearance as a bonus on this soccer popularity list! Here’s a video of the man in action on the stage in Watford’s stadium, 2010:

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Thanks for reading and watching this post detailing the 3 most popular soccer players in the world at the moment. The information for this article about the influence, power and status of the famous people listed above was sourced from the Forbes Celebrity 100, and you can find the full rankings here.

Who is your favourite footballer right now? Who do you like best from this list?

Have fun,

Soccer Geek

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Soccer can be a powerful force in the world to inspire people and change lives. Here I’d like to share with you a few great football quotes which sum up the potential of the beautiful game. I hope you find this collection inspiring!

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“Let football remain the game that has been the dream of generations, that fills children with wonder, and unites Europeans” (Michael Platini, UEFA President)

“Football is one of the world’s best means of communication. It is impartial, apolitical and universal. Football unites people around the world every day. Young or old, players or fans, rich or poor, the game makes everyone equal, stirs the imagination, makes people happy and makes them sad” (Franz Beckenbauer, World Cup winning player and coach)

“At a time when Europe is seeking to define itself, nothing contributes more to this quest than its love for our sport” (UEFA President Michel Platini)

“Whoever invented football should be worshipped as a God” (Hugo Sanchez, Mexico striker)

“Football is a fantastic and intelligent game which teaches us how to live together” (Michel Platini, UEFA President)

“Sport is the shortest route to peace. We will do what we can and we hope that the politicians will do the rest of the job” (Arab Israel International Abbas Suan)

“Football unites and transcends Europe” (Michel Platini, UEFA President)

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Thanks for reading this concise collection of great football quotes. For more awesome quotations, just check out my other lists of inspiring soccer quotes and famous football quotes. For now, let’s finish with a video about the creative power of the beautiful game:

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Have fun,

Soccer Geek

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This post gives you a comprehensive list of the best soccer players in the world from past and present.

I have compiled below the FIFA 100 list of the greatest living footballers in 2004, together with links to my own up-to-date ’top 10′ rankings of footballers, and the listings of the FIFA world player of the year awards since 1991. With all that information, you won’t fail to find some of the greatest players in footballing history! Let’s get going…

FIFA 100

In 2004 Pele unveiled his rankings of the top 125 living footballers. It is called the FIFA 100 as it marked the 100th anniversary of FIFA.

The FIFA 100 is by no means a perfect list. Some have alleged that it was politically motivated, leaving some notable omissions and the inclusion of players like El Hadji Diouf who may not appear in most people’s rankings.

I have linked to my own top lists of players below in order to compensate for some of these omissions. Plus the list was compiled in 2004 so is now outdated – a modern list would have to include the likes of Messi, Cristiano Ronaldo, Kaka and others, together with many more Spaniards.

Finally, the list only covers living footballers. So players who are no longer alive do not feature and it is therefore not a complete collection of the best ever players.

Nevertheless, the FIFA 100 was created by one of the most respected players ever in Pele, so it is still a fairly good basis to work from.

Goalkeepers

Jean-Marie Pfaff (Belgium)

Peter Schmeichel (Denmark)

Gordon Banks (England)

Oliver Kahn (Germany)

Sepp Maier (Germany)

Gianluigi Buffon (Italy)

Dino Zoff (Italy)

Rinat Dasayev (Russia)

Rustu Recber (Turkey)

NB:  If would personally have included David Seaman and Peter Shilton in this list, as well as Pat Jennings. Other keepers like Lev Yashin could not be included in the FIFA 100, as that only included living footballers in 2004. Click here to see my list of the best ever soccer goalkeepers.

Defenders

Daniel Passarella (Argentina)

Javier Zanetti (Argentina)

Carlos Alberto (Brazil)

Cafu (Brazil)

Roberto Carlos (Brazil)

Djalma Santos (Brazil)

Nilton Santos (Brazil)

Elias Figueroa (Chile)

Marcel Desailly (France)

Lilian Thuram (France)

Marius Tresor (France)

Franco Baresi (Italy)

Giuseppe Bergomi (Italy)

Giacinto Facchetti (Italy)

Paolo Maldini (Italy)

Alessandro Nesta (Italy)

Hong Myung-Bo (South Korea)

Unforunately defenders such as Bobby Moore could not be concluded as they were not alive at the time of the ranking. Click here to read my list of the top 10 defenders of all time

Midfielders

Juan Sebastien Veron (Argentina)

Jan Ceulemans (Belgium)

Franky van der Elst (Belgium)

Falcao (Brazil)

Junior (Brazil)

Rivaldo (Brazil)

Rivelino (Brazil)

Socrates (Brazil)

Zico (Brazil)

Carlos Valderrama (Colombia)

Josef Masopust (Czech Republic)

Pavel Nedved (Czech Republic)

Michael Laudrup (Denmark)

David Beckham (England)

Bobby Charlton (England)

Didier Deschamps (France)

Raymond Kopa (France)

Robert Pires (France)

Michel Platini (France)

Patrick Vieira (France)

Zinedine Zidane (France)

Michael Ballack (Germany)

Paul Breitner (Germany)

Lothar Matthaus (Germany)

Roy Keane (Republic of Ireland)

Gianni Rivera (Italy)

Hidetoshi Nakata (Japan)

Edgar Davids (Netherlands)

Ruud Gullit (Netherlands)

Rene van de Kerkhof (Netherlands)

Willy van de Kerkhof (Netherlands)

Johan Neeskens (Netherlands)

Frank Rijkaard (Netherlands)

Clarence Seedorf (Netherlands)

Jay-Jay Okocha (Nigeria)

George Best (Northern Ireland)

Zbigniew Boniek (Poland)

Luis Figo (Portugal)

Rui Costa (Portugal)

Gheorghe Hagi (Romania)

Luis Enrique (Spain)

Emre Belozoglu (Turkey)

Michelle Akers (USA)

Take a look at my list of the top 10 midfielders ever

Forwards

Gabriel Batistuta (Argentina)

Hernan Crespo (Argentina)

Alfredo di Stefano (Argentina)

Mario Kempes (Argentina)

Diego Maradona (Argentina)

Javier Saviola (Argentina)

Omar Sivori (Argentina)

Pele (Brazil)

Romario (Brazil)

Ronaldinho (Brazil)

Ronaldo (Brazil)

Hristo Stoichkov (Bulgaria)

Roger Milla (Cameroon)

Ivan Zamorano (Chile)

Davor Suker (Croatia)

Brian Laudrup (Denmark)

Kevin Keegan (England)

Gary Lineker (England)

Michael Owen (England)

Alan Shearer (England)

Eric Cantona (France)

Just Fontaine (France)

Thierry Henry (France)

Jean-Pierre Papin (France)

David Trezeguet (France)

Jurgen Klinsmann (Germany)

Gerd Muller (Germany)

Karl-Heinze Rummenigge (Germany)

Uwe Seeler (Germany)

Abedi Pele (Ghana)

Ferenk Puskas (Hungary)

Roberto Baggio (Italy)

Giampiero Boniperti (Italy)

Alessandro Del Piero (Italy)

Paolo Rossi (Italy)

Francesco Totti (Italy)

Christian Vieri (Italy)

George Weah (Liberia)

Hugo Sanchez (Mexico)

Marco van Basten (Netherlands)

Denis Bergkamp (Netherlands)

Johan Cruyff (Netherlands)

Patrick Kluivert (Netherlands)

Ruud van Nistelrooy (Netherlands)

Rob Rensenbrink (Netherlands)

Romerito (Paraguay)

Teofilo Cublillas (Peru)

Eusebio (Portugal)

Kenny Dalglish (Scotland)

El Hadji Diouf (Senegal)

Emilio Butrageuno (Spain)

Raul (Spain)

Andriy Shevchenko (Ukraine)

Mia Hamm (USA)

Enzo Francescoli (Uruguay)

Check out my list of the best players of all time, any position counts!

FIFA World Player of the Year

1991

Lothar Matthaus (Germany)

Jean-Pierre Papin (France)

Gary Lineker (England)

1992

Marco van Basten (Netherlands)

Hristo Stoichkov (Bulgaria)

Thomas Haessler (Germany)

1993

Roberto Baggio (Italy)

Romario (Brazil)

Denis Bergkamp (Netherlands)

1994

Romario (Brazil)

Hristo Stoichkov (Bulgaria)

Roberto Baggio (Italy)

1995

George Weah (Liberia)

Paolo Maldini (Italy)

Juergan Klinsmann (Germany)

1996

Ronaldo (Brazil)

George Weah (Liberia)

Alan Shearer (England)

1997

Ronaldo (Brazil)

Roberto Carlos (Brazil)

Denis Bergkamp (Netherlands)

Zinedine Zidane (France)

1998

Zinedine Zidane (France)

Ronaldo (Brazil)

Davor Suker (Croatia)

1999

Rivaldo (Brazil)

David Beckham (England)

Gabriel Batistuta (Argentina)

2000

Zinedine Zidane (France)

Luis Figo (Portugal)

Rivaldo (Brazil)

2001

Luis Figo (Portugal)

David Beckham (England)

Raul (Spain)

2002

Ronaldo (Brazil)

Oliver Kahn (Germany)

Zinedine Zidane (France)

2003

Zinedine Zidane (France)

Thierry Henry (France)

Ronaldo (Brazil)

2004

Ronaldinho (Brazil)

Thierry Henry (France)

Andriy Shevchenko (Ukraine)

2005

Ronaldinho (Brazil)

Frank Lampard (England)

Samuel Eto’o

2006

Fabio Cannavaro (Italy)

Zinedine Zidane (France)

Ronaldinho (Brazil)

2007

Kaka (Brazil)

Lionel Messi (Argentina)

Cristiano Ronaldo (Portugal)

2008

Cristiano Ronaldo (Portugal)

2009

Lionel Messi

2010

Lionel Messi

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Thanks for taking the time to read this list of the best soccer players in the world. The FIFA 100, together with the FIFA world player of the year awards and my own up-to-date top 10 lists, provide a comprehensive covering of the greatest stars in world football from past and present.

Who do you think are the top 3 soccer players ever?

Have fun,

Soccer Geek

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Of course there are thousands of famous football fans around the world, divided in their allegiances towards different clubs and countries. It would be pretty much impossible to capture information about all of them within this post, so instead here’s just a few details about 15 celebrity soccer supporters. If you wish you can then leave your own list in the comments section at the end, comprising some of those famous people I have omitted from this article.

Arnold Schwarzenneger: Sturm Graz

The former Governor of California, and acting star of films such as The Terminator and The Expendables, was born in the Austrian city of Graz. The club’s stadium is even named after him. Hasta la vista, Arnie!

Keira Knightley – West Ham

A football supporter known to get up and watch premiership matches at 6am in the morning (in LA), the Pirates of the Caribbean and Bend it Like Beckham actress is said to be a committed Hammers fan.

Joe Calzaghe – Juventus

The Welsh boxer who used to pin his hopes on Craig Bellamy and Ryan Giggs for the national team, was a strong Juventus supporter at club level due to his Italian heritage. When the gloves came off, he even played for a Rest of the World soccer team, scoring against England at the 2010 Soccer Aid.

Holly Valance – Southampton

Rachel, the mother of the Neighbours actress, pop singer and 0800 REVERSE commercials front lady, was born in Southampton before emigrating to Australia. Holly is said to be a Saints supporter in her honour.

Hugh Grant – Fulham

The romcom actor, star of popular movies including Four Weddings and a Funeral and Notting Hill, grew up in Chiswick and once had a job as a seat cleaner in Fulham football club’s stadium. He was just a boy, standing in front of a seat, asking it to leave him be - he never wants to do that job again!

Tom Cruise – Real Madrid

Through his friendship with David Beckham, the Top Gun and Mission Impossible actor is said to be a Real Madrid fan…and has even been to matches!

Halle Berry – Everton

Halle Berry, famous as a Cat Woman and a Bond Girl, is an Everton fan by virtue of her mother being born in Liverpool and supporting Everton all her life.

Robert Duvall – Boca Juniors

He was converted to the team by his Argentinian girlfriend. He even went on to make a football film called ‘The Cup’, set in Scotland and starring Alex Ferguson and Ally McCoist as well.

Cameron Diaz – Brentford

Hollywood personality Dan Tana was once a striker for Red Star Belgrade and Anderlecht, before becoming chairman of Brentford. Cameron Diaz, actress featuring in The Holiday and Charlie’s Angels, is allegedly a Brentford fan through her connection to him. A tenuous link this one admittedly.

Richard Gasquet – Paris St Germain

The French tennis player says that would love to have been a footballer if his tennis career had not worked out. And which team would he have wanted to play for? You guessed it, Paris St Germain.

Patrick Stewart – Huddersfield Town

The Star Trek and Shakespearian legend is a supporter of a somewhat less notable club. He was appointed Chancellor of Huddersfield University in 2004.

Rene Zellwegger – Chelsea

The Cold Mountain and Chicago actress was forced to become a “Chelsea Blues” fan whilst shooting the Bridget Jones movie. She remarked that “I had to support Chelsea or I’d have been lynched” due to the sheer proximity to the ground when filming.

Tom Hanks – Aston Villa

Tom Hanks, the superstar lead-man of Cast Away and Forest Gump, announced his love for the club at the premiere of Charlie Wilson’s War. He is in good company, with Ozzie Osbourne and Prince William also supporting Aston Villa.

Kevin Costner – Arsenal

If he believed flawed slogans like “build it and he will come” from Field of Dreams, then Kevin Costner might not be the best person to create and market a football club. Luckily for Arsenal, he is simply a great celebrity soccer supporter.

Rafael Nadal – Real One or the Other

Nadal is a passionate Real Madrid fan, but at the same time also became a major shareholder in Real Mallorca to help his local team out of debt in 2010. He reportedly turned down the role of Vice President at the club.

Thanks for reading this list of 15 famous football fans. Of course 15 is still such a minescule numberthat it ignores all the thousands of other celebrity supporters in the world, so please feel free to add your own list below.

Have fun,

Soccer Geek

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Here’s the run-down of the Premier League Fair Play Table from the last 5 years or so: from the 2005/6 season right through to the 2010/11 season. There seems to be a strong correlation between the high achieving clubs and fair play, with Chelsea, Arsenal, Tottenham and Man United regularly finishing in very good positions. The tables below contain team names, rankings, points and scores. Now let’s see, who is the fairest of them all?

Season 2010/2011

1. Chelsea (Points: 1297) (Score: 324.3)

2. Tottenham (Points: 1288) (Score: 322)

3. Manchester United (Points: 1271) (Score: 317.8)

4. Fulham (Points: 1264) (Score: 316)

5. Blackpool (Points: 1263) (Score: 315.8)

6. West Ham (Points: 1259) (Score: 314.8)

7. West Brom (Points: 1253) (Score: 313.3)

8. Arsenal (Points: 1251) (Score: 312.8)

9. Liverpool (Points: 1244) (Score: 311)

10. Man City (Points: 1243) (Score: 310.8)

11. Aston Villa (Points: 1243) (Score: 310.8)

12. Everton (Points: 1236) (Score: 309)

13. Wolves (Points: 1232) (Score: 308)

14. Wigan (Points: 1228) (Score: 307)

15. Blackburn (Points: 1220) (Score: 305)

16. Bolton (Points: 1215) (Score: 303.8)

17. Sunderland (Points: 1209) (Score: 302.3)

18. Stoke (Points: 1208) (Score: 302)

19. Birmingham (Points: 1203) (Score: 300.8)

20. Newcastle (Points: 1197) (Score: 299.3)

Season 2009/2010

1. Arsenal (Points: 1303) (Score: 325.8)

2. Tottenham (Points: 1300) (Score: 325)

3. Fulham (Points: 1282) (Score: 320.5)

4. Man United (Points: 1275) (Score: 318.8)

5. Chelsea (Points: 1272) (Score: 318)

6. Burnley (Points: 1254) (Score: 313.5)

7. Aston Villa (Points: 1253) (Score: 313.3)

8. Man City (Points: 1249) (Score: 312.3)

9. Everton (Points: 1241) (Score: 310.3)

10. West Ham (Points: 1240) (Score: 310)

11. Wolves (Points: 1237) (Score: 309.3)

12. Wigan (Points: 1234) (Score: 308.5)

13. Liverpool (Points: 1232) (Score: 308)

14. Stoke (Points: 1214) (Score: 303.5)

15. Blackburn (Points: 1213) (Score: 303.3)

16. Portsmouth (Points: 1188) (Score: 297)

17. Birmingham (Points: 1187) (Score: 296.8)

18. Bolton (Points: 1184) (Score: 296)

19. Hull City (Points: 1171) (Score: 292.8)

20. Sunderland (Points: 1159) (Score: 289.8)

Season 2008/2009

1. Fulham (Points: 1304) (Score: 326)

2. Chelsea (Points: 1294) (Score: 323.5)

3. Arsenal (Points: 1293) (Score: 323.3)

4. Liverpool (Points: 1293) (Score: 323.3)

5. Everton (Points: 1266) (Score: 316.5)

6. Tottenham (Points: 1260) (Score: 315)

7. Man United (Points: 1256) (Score: 314)

8. Man City (Points: 1251) (Score: 312.8)

9. Aston Villa (Points: 1250) (Score: 312.5)

10. Middlesbrough (Points: 1245) (Score: 311.3)

11. West Ham United (Points: 1241) (Score: 310.3)

12. Sunderland (Points: 1234) (Score: 308.5)

13. Portsmouth (Points: 1233) (Score: 308.3)

14. Bolton (Points: 1229) (Score: 307.3)

15. Wigan (Points: 1228) (Score: 307)

16. West Brom (Points: 1218) (Score: 304.5)

17. Stoke (Points: 1182) (Score: 295.5)

18. Newcastle (Points: 1173) (Score: 293.3)

19. Blackburn (Points: 1173) (Score: 293.3)

20. Hull City (Points: 1157) (Score: 289.3)

Season 2007/2008

1. Tottenham (Points: 1301) (Score: 325.3)

2. Liverpool (Points: 1279) (Score: 319.8)

3. Man United (Points: 1279) (Score: 319.8)

4. Arsenal (Points: 1274) (Score: 318.5)

5. Everton (Points: 1268) (Score: 317)

6. Man City (Points: 1263) (Score: 315.8)

7. Fulham (Points: 1260) (Score: 315)

8. West Ham (Points: 1241) (Score: 310.3)

9. Portsmouth (Points: 1240) (Score: 310)

10. Wigan (Points: 1239) (Score: 309.8)

11. Aston Villa (Points: 1230) (Score: 307.5)

12. Reading (Points: 1226) (Score: 306.5)

13. Sunderland (Points: 1218) (Score: 304.5)

14. Chelsea (Points: 1218) (Score: 304.5)

15. Newcastle (Points: 1217) (Score: 304.3)

16. Derby (Points: 1207) (Score: 301.8)

17. Birmingham (Points: 1206) (Score: 301.5)

18. Bolton (Points: 1203) (Score: 300.8)

19. Middlesbrough (Points: 1189) (Score: 297.3)

20. Blackburn (Points: 1166) (Score: 291.5)

Season 2006/2007

Still to be completed…

1. Man United

2. Arsenal

Season 2005/2006

1. Charlton Athletic (Points: 1304) (Score: 326)

2. Arsenal (Points: 1286) (Score: 321.5)

3. West Ham (Points: 1286) (Score: 321.5)

4. Tottenham (Points: 1282) (Score: 320.5)

5. Manchester United (Points: 1281) (Score: 320.3)

6. Liverpool (Points: 1280) (Score: 320)

7. Chelsea (Points: 1278) (Score: 319.5)

8. Wigan (Points: 1273) (Score: 318.3)

9. West Brom (Points: 1270) (Score: 317.5)

10. Fulham (Points: 1263) (Score: 315.8)

11. Sunderland (Points: 1258) (Score: 314.5)

12. Aston Villa (Points: 1254) (Score: 313.5)

13. Portsmouth (Points: 1233) (Score: 308.3)

14. Newcastle (Points: 1229) (Score: 307.3)

15. Birmingham (Points: 1227) (Score: 306.8)

16. Bolton (Points: 1223) (Score: 305.8)

17. Man City (Points: 1220) (Score: 305)

18. Middlesbrough (Points: 1212) (Score: 303)

19. Everton (Points: 1205) (Score: 301.3)

20. Blackburn (Points: 1185) (Score: 296.3)

Thanks for reading this post on the Premier League Fair Play Table over the last five or so seasons.  As always, feel free to share your thoughts in the comments section below.

Have fun,

Soccer Geek

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Today I’ve compiled some funny football chants, so we can celebrate the outstanding and amusing wit of soccer fans! This collection includes chants about players and teams, as well as managers and celebrities. These are just from England and I hope you find some you like, but if you know any more from other countries please feel free to share them in the comments section below. Here we go…

Chants About Players

“Van-Per-Sie, when a girl says no, molest her” (Spurs fans sing along to Crag David’s Re-Wind, following Van Persie’s arrest for claims of alleged rape)

“He’s big, he’s hard, he’s better than Lampard, Steven Gerrard, Steven Gerrard” (Liverpool fans applaud their skipper)

“Don’t blame it on Henry, don’t blame it on the injuries, don’t blame it on the referees, blame it on Eboue!” (Harsh treatment of their own player by AFC supporters to the tune of Blame it on the Boogie by the Jackson Five)

“You better watch out, you better beware, he’s good on the ground and he’s good in the air, Santa Cruz is coming to town” (a festive number from the Blackburn Rovers supporters)

“You’re just a fat Eddie Murphy!” (Criticisms from Championship teams towards Cardiff’s Jimmy Floyd Hasselbaink)

“Park, Park, wherever you may be, you eat dogs in your own country, it could be worse, you could be scouse, eating rats in your council house” (Manchester United fans singing about Park Ji Sung to the tune of Lord of the Dance)

“Nani are you OK? Are you OK Nani?” (Manchester United fans re-make Michael Jackson’s Smooth Criminal)

“Ohh, we’are half way there. Ohh-ohh Aliadiere!” (Middlesbrough fans alter Livin’ on a Prayer by Bon Jovi)

“Where’s your real dad? Where’s your real dad” (Charlton fans to Shaun Wright-Phillips, foster son of Ian Wright)

“Robinho on the bus goes round and round” (Manchester City fans remark on Robinho’s shopping trip on the bus)

“He tackles and he passes, hassles and harasses, he gets up people’s arses, he’s better than Zidane, du du du du, Grant McCann, Grant McCann” (Northern Ireland against San Marino to the Adams Family theme)

“John Carew, Carew. He likes a lap-dance or two. He might even pay for you” (Aston Villa fans mock Carew for being caught visiting a gentleman’s club)

“There’s only two Andy Gorams, there’s only two Andy Gorams” (Scottish fans rub salt into the wound of the schizophrenic player with a clever play on ‘there’s only one…’)

“Oh my God, I can’t believe it, we’ve never been this good away from home” (Leeds supporters adapt Oh My God by Kaiser Chiefs)

“Ashley Cole is a rent boy, his mobile’s always on, and when he’s shagging Cheryl, he thinks of Elton John” (Mocking Ashley Cole for apparently texting dirty pictures behind Cheryl Cole’s back)

“For he’s a jolly good Vela!” (Arsenal fans salute their forward)

“Who-oh Theo Walcott, Theo, Theo Walcott. He’s an Englishman at Arsenal” (Arsenal fans change the words of Sting’s Englishman in New York)

Chants About Managers, Celebrities and Teams

“You should have stayed on the telly!” (Liverpool fans to Alan Shearer when he returned to Newcastle in the non-playing capacity, having previously been a BBC pundit)

“You’re not special anymore!” (Manchester United spectators harass Jose Mourinho when they knock Inter Milan out of the Champion’s League)

“You’re just a shit Chas & Dave” (Spurs sing to Liam and Noel Gallagher of Oasis – Manchester City supporters)

“Bill Oddie, Bill Oddie, rub your beard all over my body! Bill Oddie, Bill Oddie…” (Reading fans to the tune of Madonna’s Erotica)

“Same old Arsenal, always cheating” (I think this one’s funny because it is clearly not true:  AFC topped the fair play table in 2009/2010)

“You’re not yodelling, you’re not yodelling anymore!” (Newcastle score against FC Zurich)

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Thanks for reading this collection of funny football chants. Which is your favourite chant from this compilation? Do you have any other good ones to add to the list, especially from leagues outside of England?

Have fun,

Soccer Geek

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Today I’d like to share a list of funny soccer team names with you. The compilation includes some amusing names of actual clubs, as well as made-up puns based on real-world clubs and possible fantasy football team names. I hope you like the post and find some of the titles most entertaining. Here goes…

Factual: Actual Club Names

These ones don’t need any puns to be funny or strange: they do it all by themselves!

Arsenal

Young Boys

Brest

Naughty Boys

Deportivo Wanka

Joe Public

SC Feucht

Hamburger

Botswana Meat Commission FC

Avispa Fukuoka

Hallelujah FC (no longer operative)

King Faisal Babes

Playtime Tigers

Semen Padang

Wankie FC

KFC Winterslag

Deportivo Moron

Puns & Fantasy Team Names

Just a few of these – feel free to add your own in the comments section at the end…

Sons of Pitches

Multiple Scorgasms

Right Back on the Bench

Left Back in the Changing Room

Air Conditioned FC (they have the best fans)

Fictional: Bad Puns on Real Club Names

Take a look at these often terrible but sometimes fairly amusing puns…

Deportivo Lack a Rooney

Man Chest Hair United

Man Chest Hair City

Breast

Unreal Madrid

Real Ale Madrid

Sporting Lesbian

Totti Hots Purr

Red Star Bellend

Chicago on Fire

Black Burn Rollers

Bayern Neverlusen

Liver Pool

Unathletic Madrid

Spaghetti Bologna

North Queensland Ferry

Outer Milan

New Cattle United

Arse ‘n’ Nail

The Love Gunners

Contact Lens

Rennies

Fatzio

So Hot!

Nancy Boy

No Sunderland

Get A Cafe

Paris Ain’t German

My Yorker

Milk Schalke

Frank Fart

Two Loos

To Lose

FC Buy a Tunic

Case of Ale

Athletic Bilbo Baggins

Kaiser Slaughter

For Your Retina

Osasunaspossible

Real Social Dad

Unsporting

Hibernation

Not Nice

Crocodile Dundee United

CFC Cologne

Serviette FC

You Are a Red Diamond

St. Helen Mirren

SV Herder Bremen?

Kill Marnock

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Thanks for reading my compilation of funny soccer team names. Which do you think is the best or most amusing name from the list above? Do you have any additions to the post? If so, please share your thoughts in the comments section below. Cheers!

Have fun,

Soccer Geek

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This post is a compilation of soccer goalie quotes including funny goalkeeper comments and inspirational goalie quotes, as well as general observations about the art of goalkeeping and some tips on playing performance. I hope you find this concise collection interesting and helpful.

Here goes…

Quotes About Goalkeeping

“Being a goalkeeper gives you a unique perspective on things. You are part of a team yet somehow separate; there are no grey areas, with success or failure being measured in real time; and you have a physical job which you can do well only by paying attention to your mental well-being. A great goalkeeper has to have the keys to a great mindset. To be able to work well in the box, I believe you have to be able to think outside of the box” (Brad Friedel)

The Qualities of a Goalkeeper

The attributes a goalkeeper needs?: “Massive, massive mentality. The mental strength, you’ve just got to have that because you get a lot of stick, as a goalkeeper you’re the last line of defence. When a goal goes in everyone looks at you, you’ve got to be able to deal with that. If you make a mistake, it could be a bad mistake, how are you going to recover? Are you going to react positively or are you just going to cave in?” (David Seaman)

Playing Tips for Goalies

“As a goalkeeper you need to be good at organising the people in front of you and motivating them. You need to see what’s going on and react to the threats. Just like a good manager in business” (Peter Shilton)

“Of course a sports psychologist can help – it’s certainly helped me. People think you must be crackers if you’ve got a psychologist but psychology is part of the building bricks to make a top athlete” (David James)

“Being fit will keep you mentally sharp and people forget that” (Peter Shilton)

“Every goal is like a knife in the ribs” (Gordon Banks)

“The main factor in a penalty shoot-out is luck…you need to stay calm and focused but the biggest thing you need is luck” (Peter Shilton)

“You don’t feel sorry for yourself, you get on with life” (Jens Lehmann)

Funny Goalie Quotes

“You’ve got to believe that you’re going to win, and I believe we’ll win the World Cup until the final whistle blows and we’re knocked out” (Peter Shilton)

“The atmosphere’s given me goose bubbles” (Jens Lehmann)

Inspirational Goalie Quotes

“Wake up every morning, be happy that you are here and achieve as much as you can every day” (Peter Schmeichel)

“We’re not bothered what anyone says. Put a ball out there, put 11 versus 11, and we want to win. It doesn’t matter what the competition is” (Tim Howard)

“Winning the treble with Manchester United and saving Bergkamp’s penalty against Arsenal in the FA Cup semi-final was not a surprise. You have to believe you can win” (Peter Schmeichel)

“The joy of seeing Yuri Gagarin flying in space is only superseded by the joy of a good penalty save” (Lev Yashin)

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Thanks for reading this collection of soccer goalie quotes and I hope you enjoyed them. I think football goalkeeper quotes offer a very quick way to learn from some of the greatest ever keepers. That was the easy bit – now to begin putting their advice into action!

Have fun,

Soccer Geek

P.S. If you have any other useful keeper sayings, please feel free to leave them in the comments section below…

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This post is a compilation of funny soccer facts including the bizarre, the mildly amusing and the downright silly! You’ll find the facts below organised into 5 different categories: insane injuries, terrible transfers, strange superstitions, fashion fiascos and ridiculous referees. At the end, why not add your own collection of fun footie facts in the comments section?

Let’s go… 

Insane Injuries

• Spanish goalkeeper Santiago Canizares missed the 2002 World Cup. The cause? He dropped a bottle of cologne on his foot, severing a tendon. He missed the tournament, but his boots had a beautiful aroma
• Aston Villa’s Alan Wright was delighted when he bought a £50,000 Ferrari. Unfortunately he developed a knee problem due to the position of the accelerator, and had to replace the car with a Rover!
• Tottenham’s Allan Nielsen was the proudest man alive after the birth of his daughter. Then the baby poked him in the eye, forcing him to sit out the club’s next match on the sidelines!
• The ironing board falls over. The Liverpool goalie dashes over to catch it. Michael Stensgaard was forced into temporary retirement with the resultant shoulder injury

Terrible Transfers

• In 1999 Chelsea signed Chris Sutton from Blackburn for £10 million. The striker scored just 1 league goal and left a season later
• Winston Bogarde moved to Chelsea in 2000 on a £40,000 per week wage. He made 2 league starts in 4 years
• Massimo Taibi joined Manchester United in 1999 for £4.5 million. The goalie made 4 appearances, then never played again
• In 1998 Jiul Petrosani sold Romanian player Ion Radu to Valcea for 500kg of pork – that’s a waste of good food!

Strange Superstitions

• Argentinian goalkeeper Sergio Goycochea urinated on the pitch when there was a penality in the semi-final of the 1990 World Cup in Italy. From then on he urinated ever time there was a penalty!
• Racing fans bring sugar to throw on the pitch when they play against their Buenos Aires rivals Independiente. Victory never tasted so sweet!
• France captain Laurent Blanc kissed the bald head of Fabian Barthez before each match of the 1998 World Cup. He was suspended for the final, but still kissed the goalie from the sidelines in his suit

Frightful Fashion Faux-Pas

• In the mid 1990s Faroe Islands goalkeeper Jens Knudsen wore a bobble hat onto the pitch. Remarkably, the style failed to catch on amongst other shot stoppers
• In June 1998 David Beckham was spotted wearing a £150 Jean-Paul Gaultier sarong in the south of France. He later admitted to owning several in different colours
• Edgar Davids wears protective goggles when playing football after being diagnosed with glaucoma in 1999. Jaap Stam sensitively added: “come on Edgar, we’re playing football, you haven’t got time to go skiing”
• In the 2003 African Cup of Nations, Cameroon wore an all-in-one kit. FIFA said they must wear separate shirts and shorts, fining them £86,000 and deducting 6 points from their World Cup qualifying campaign (points later handed back though)

Ridiculous Referees

• Italian goalie Grosso offended a referee by suggesting he needed glasses. He was duly sent off, but the decision was repealed as Grosso actually owned an opticians and was deemed to be dispensing helpful advice. The referee ended up bringing him his custom. Still, really he should’ve gone to Specsavers!
• In 1978 a Tanzanian match was interrupted when the referee was arrested on the pitch for smoking marijuana before the kick-off

Thanks for reading this compilation of funny soccer facts. Even if you didn’t laugh out loud, I hope you found them suitably entertaining and enjoyable. Until next time…

Have fun,

Soccer Geek

P.s. Do you have any more fun football facts to add? Please feel free to leave them in the comments section below. Cheers…

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